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Isn’t it ironic? And not in the Alanis Morissette way? December 11, 2006

Posted by ouchmyleg in Uncategorized.
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Don’t worry! I’ll be right back.

Heh. ‘Right back’, indeed.

So, yeah. Sorry about that. I’ve been away for far too long, indulging in some of those recovery things like trying to spend less time online and longingly ogling shoes. In the meantime, you seem to have been doing rather well in my absence, judging by the comments. I am genuinely delighted that my little blog has brought some entertainment to fellow accident victims. In a way, I imagine myself a little like William Wallace (but not Mel Gibson, obviously) hobbling to the top of a hill with my walker and yelling “They make take our freedom, but they’ll never take our sense of irony! Sweet, sweet irony!” And, then proceed in falling down upon my enemy. Or lying down to elevate my ankle with a cold pack. You know, whatever happens first.

More stories to come in the next few days. But for those who can’t wait, here’s one tidbit: Yes, I did manage to wear high heels to my Christmas party! And lo, it was awesome.

Crip-fucius Says… August 22, 2006

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When you’re only wearing one sock a day, and you’re out of socks, it’s time to do laundry.

Absentia July 25, 2006

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Heh. I suck. Here’s more content I’ve written over the past few weeks, and there’ll be more coming over the next few days. I’m going to back date it to when I planned to post it, but all two of you with RSS feeds (I know who half of you are!) will know the truth. What have I been doing while working hard to forget to blog? A whole assload of not-very-much, aside from healing, working, learning to hobble and watching several really great episodes of CSI and South Park. Oh, and if you’re not watching “My Super Sweet 16”, then you really need to work harder and embrace your inner gay man/preteen girl.

There’s something to be said for search engine optimization… June 29, 2006

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Shortly after my injury the nurses mentioned that it was likely I’d be given an AirCast at some point in my recovery.  I didn’t know too much about it, aside from the fact that it would be removable and I’d probably end up wearing it for quite awhile.  Once I was lucid enough to Google things effectively, I did a quick search for the product that would soon be immobilizing my injury.  I’ll link to the resulting pages to spare you the time, but suffice to say, searching for “aircast” (correct link) and “air +cast” (just click it) will give you very different results from what you might expect.  I think Dr. McSurgery and I would be having a rather pointed discussion about patient/doctor comfort levels had this been what he were prescribing. 

It’s compressing my will to live! June 29, 2006

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How do you spell “Awesome Afternoon”?  I spell it R-E-X-A-L-L.

A lone brunette bobbing in a sea of silver heads, I was the youngest person there by several decades.  The other customers walked slowly through three long rows of scooters, motorized wheelchairs and walker/shopping cart hybrids; occasionally pausing to peruse the buckets of canes and racks of grabbers and tools.  Having worked with seniors for several years, I know and appreciate how useful these tools can be for people with mobility difficulties or challenges.  A scooter or walker can literally change their life; allowing them to regain freedoms they’d previously lost.  Sadly, I was at the Rexall for considerably less inspiring reasons.  I needed a compression stocking.

A compression stocking is like a nylon on steroids.  Tighter, denser and considerably less attractive, it compresses (imagine that!) the leg to stimulate circulation, prevent blood cIots and speed up healing.  As I’ve mentioned before, the break and dislocation restricted blood flow to my foot for about ½ an hour after the injury until the ER doctor reset the bones.  Because of this, I had several side effects (swelling and discoloration) that could be reduced or remedied by a compression stocking. 

Putting on a compression stocking is like trying to fit a walrus into a pair of bike shorts.  , The salesperson at Rexall recommended I use custom ribbed rubber gloves to slide up the stocking a ¼ inch at a time. Fortunately, thanks to my tiny, nimble fingers I’m able to pull it on without assistance. 

Not counting the massaging chair, my favourite part of the trip to Rexall was choosing the colour of my compression stocking.  (There was an incredible selection of blue shades.  Blue!  Seriously!  Who still wears blue stockings?)  I eventually settled on the palest shade of honky white girl they had. 

The name of the colour?  ”Natural”

The AirCast: Manna from Heaven? Or Harbinger of Hell? June 11, 2006

Posted by ouchmyleg in Advice, Uncategorized.
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After my second appointment with Dr. McSurgery (more on that later), he decided to give me an AirCast rather than a second fiberglass cast. Like a traditional cast, the only real function of the Aircast is to keep my ankle at a 90 degree angle while it heals. It achieves this through two inflatable air bladders around the ankle that I can inflate and deflate. Finally! The Nike Pump sneaker I never knew I wanted!

There are a number of happy benefits to this, including the fact that I can take the thing off when I shower, eliminating the delightful process of my mother duct taping a grocery bag around my calf. Plus, it boasts a groovy design that would make Manolo Blahnik jealous.

As you can see from the photo, this is one stylish piece of footwear. If it were six months ago, I could easily create a fuzzy fake fur cozy for it and pass it off as an Ugg boot or a Mukluk. With summer reportedly upon us, I’m considering the possibility of wearing shorter skirts to show off the parts of my leg not currently covered in molded plastic and foam.

Sadly, the flexibility and freedom of the Aircast is somewhat mollified by the fact that it makes it near impossible to fall asleep. I’m not sure what it is: the angle, the height of the boot, the weight of the covers. Whatever the cause, the result is that regardless of what time I go to bed, I don’t fall asleep until two to three hours later when my exhaustion finally outlasts my ankle. I’ve taken to popping allergy medication at night for the sedative effect. Any suggestions to help me sleep?

The First Cut is the Wrongest June 10, 2006

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My only memory of Dr. McSurgery on the morning of my procedure involved him walking up to my gurney and signing my calf with his initials. I later found out from a nurse that all surgeons are required to do this before going into the OR. Once the patient is prepped and on the table, the anesthesiologist has to see the initials on the area for operation or the surgeon is not allowed to cut. It’s a good safeguard, I only wonder why they had to start the policy in the first place.