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New Leg Resolution #1 August 22, 2006

Posted by ouchmyleg in Advice, Personal Experience.

I am the High Priestess of Never Keeping New Years Resolutions.  If I’d kept every resolution I’ve ever made over the years, I’d be a 110 pound Rhodes Scholar who never eats carbs or meat, speaks four languages, plays five instruments, reads latin and enjoys a fulfilling romantic life with my husband, Scott Wolfe.  Who is this woman?  Clearly, she’s insane.

However; in light of recent events I have made one firm resolution.  On the night of my accident, I very clearly remember standing in the door of my apartment and looking at the bereft faces of my cats as I closed the door.  To ease their worry, I said “Don’t worry guys, I won’t be gone long!” and gaily skipped down the hall and into internet history.  I didn’t come home again (aside from a few quick visits) for another three and a half weeks.

Obviously, this was my first mistake.  My statement of promise was like the dippy-but-slutty girl in a horror movie saying “Ohmigod!  What’s that sound coming from the dark, creepy barn?  I’d better climb off my passed-out drunk boyfriend, wrap my nubile form in this half-size beach towel and go off to investigate!  No, I don’t need a flashlight, there’s still some light from the abandoned mental institution on the hill!  Don’t worry y’all, I’ll be right back!”


Heather, Meet Heather. August 22, 2006

Posted by ouchmyleg in Personal Experience.

My physiotherapist is also named Heather.  Apparently naming your daughter after a hardy, mildly poisonous purple shrub from Scotland was a popular pastime in the late 1970’s.  No matter, she’s amazing.  More amazing, though, are the cool physio gadgets she breaks out for my visits.

First, a fun ankle fact:

Most of the time an ankle will only break on one side.  Then, as the broken ankle bones heal, the still-intact ones help hold them up (It’s a little like an Otis Redding song).  Anyway, because my ankle broke on both sides and dislocated there aren’t any tendons/ligaments/nerves/bones/muscles or other sundry body elements whose name I’ve forgotten because I took theatre in University to help shoulder the burden.  To help my body regain its’ former strength, I need a little extra help in the form of electrodes, ultrasound and the deeply cool ice-boot.

The ultrasound doesn’t feel like anything, mostly I enjoy the blue goo that helps to transmit the waves through my skin and into my muscles.  Designed to help increase circulation, the deep sound waves aid tissue regeneration, reduce swelling and encourage the nerves in my ankle to rebuild.  At the start of my physio sessions I had no feeling in the tips of three toes, the top of my foot and the outside of my left leg.  Four weeks in, I’m starting to regain some feeling, although it’s still tingly at times.  Tingling is a good sign, so even though it feels odd, I’m convincing myself it’s awesome.

The electrodes and the ice-boot take a bit more getting used to.  The ice boot is kind of the miracle cure for swelling; or so I’m told the first time they slide it onto my leg.  It’s not bad at first, a little like when my brother and I used to wear inflatable swimming wings on our feet and try to walk on water like Jesus.  (In case you’re wondering, this doesn’t work as well as you’d think.)  Turns out that’s the easy part, because the next step involves filling the boot with ice water, turning on the electrodes and leaving you alone for fifteen minutes with a six-month-old issue of Maclean’s.  The cold is shocking and powerful, I can feel the plate on my fibula cool rapidly and it makes the bone ache.  But, I’ve promised Heather that I’ll suck it up because she’s convinced it’ll help.  Much to my delight, it does.  For the first time since my accident I can see the tendons from my big toe across the top of my foot and I can almost picture myself wearing a strappy sandal.  Almost.

Crip-fucius Says… August 22, 2006

Posted by ouchmyleg in Uncategorized.

When you’re only wearing one sock a day, and you’re out of socks, it’s time to do laundry.